Gay Life

There are so many great things that happen in the gay community – from volunteering and activism, to fundraising events and raising awareness. There’s no shortage of all the good work that happens on a daily basis. But as the gay community grows, we need to continue to celebrate and respect our diversity. Here’s the list of 10 things gay men need to stop doing:

1. Denoting queens. Drag Queens are the cornerstone of every gay community.
2. Describe yourself as “straight acting”. Don’t disrespect the gay community and pretend to be someone you are not or try to denounce being gay.
3. Trying to conform to the stereotypical gay man. Just be yourself.
4. Trying to be more “masculine”. Gay isn’t about being masculine or feminine, it’s about being you!
5. Use Grindr on multiple devices. If someone didn’t message you back, or blocked you on one device, take a hint. You’re not going to increase you chances by having multiple profiles. Besides, it’s a bit awkward for everyone when they see multiple pictures of you in a row. Are you self-obsessed, desperate, or just can’t find enough hook-ups?
6. Asking “are you clean”? Yes, I took a shower this morning after the gym and will have another before going out tonight. I think what you are asking is if I am HIV negative. If that’s what you really want to know, just say it. “What is your HIV status?” It’s the correct way to ask people and no misinterpretations.
7. Saying things are “too gay”. What the hell does that mean?
8. Fake tanning. It’s awkward to wake up in someone else’s bed having an imprint of your body stained on their 300 thread count sheets.
9. Hating other gay men. C’mon, it’s taken decades to get this far in equality… we don’t need to start hating amongst ourselves! That’s taking a step backwards.
10. Hating yourself. Love who you are and enjoy being you! You’re part of a strong, diverse community.

When most parents find out their child is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, their first reaction is usually emotional, followed by causes for concern. It’s natural for parents to want to protect their children from harm. But their #1 fear when their child comes out is almost always HIV/AIDS.

It can take a child weeks, months, or even years, to muster up the courage to come out. During that time, the child has asked themselves a lot of questions, to make sure that it’s the right thing for them to do. It’s a calculated risk, and not a conversation that is just brought up in casual conversation is most cases.

In the case of parents of gay sons, after they get over their initial emotional reaction of the new information, their thoughts tend to immediately fall towards one of the perceived #1 issues for gay men; HIV/AIDS. Even in recent blog posts with both my mom and my dad, they both admit that their major fears included HIV/AIDS.

It’s a legitimate concern; since the mid 1980’s, HIV/AIDS has had the highest infection rate between gay men. However, HIV/AIDS is not a disease limited to gay men.

For the past three decades there has been significant awareness and education programs targeted to reduce the spread and infection rates amongst the gay community. HIV/AIDS can be transmitted through a number of other ways including heterosexual sex, intravenous drug use, and blood transfusions, just to name a few.

Today, most gay youth and men understand the importance of practicing safer sex. It’s the way today’s generation is educated in school, online, and through social experiences. Condoms are readily available through community outreach programs, drug stores, and at many night clubs and bars. Condoms and sex are no longer taboo topics; it’s part of being a mature, sexually responsible individual.

While most individuals would prefer to remain HIV negative throughout their life, should they contract the virus, it’s no longer an immediate death sentence. A vast amount of research has been done over the past three decades, since the world epidemic was announced, and new drugs and treatments are being used with great success. Many men living with HIV/AIDS today lead very normal, healthy, active lifestyles.

Parents, when your child comes out to you, be there to support them on their journey. They will be scared, nervous, and be looking for your strength and encouragement. Reassure them of your unconditional love. The news may be shocking, difficult, or expected, but don’t immediately worry that your child being gay means that they will get HIV/AIDS and die. Those days are in the past. Embark on an education journey with your son to both learn about ways of practicing safer sex and the real facts and statistics on HIV/AIDS. You’ll be glad you did!

If you have questions about HIV/AIDS, visit the Positive Living Society of BC website. You can also make a financial contribution today to help them with their fundraising goal for the Scotiabank Half Marathon this June.

True fact: anal sex increases the risk of HIV transmission 18 times greater than vaginal sex.

If you’re going to have sex, it’s best to practice safer sex. If you’re not going to do that, then you might as well get educated and understand the risks that you are putting yourself and your partner at.

The BC Centre for Disease Control recently released their 2013 report (based on 2011 survey data), and there are a lot of new facts now available on HIV in British Columbia. Here are some of the key facts you should know:

1. There are 5,320 men who have sex with men (MSM), living with HIV in BC in 2011
2. 1 in 5 gay / MSM in the Greater Vancouver Regional District are living with HIV.
3. Over 25% of men who live in the West End self-identify as living with HIV.
4. Over 50% of gay, bisexual and MSM use condoms all the time.
5. Since 2007, over 25% of men in BC report having sex with more than 10 partners each year.
6. Across BC, between 20-35% of men report having unprotected anal sex with unknown status partner.
7. Half of HIV+ men report having opposite status primary partner.
8. Across Canada, an estimated 20% of HIV positive MSM are unaware of their HIV infection.
9. In Vancouver, 71% of men have been previously tested for HIV, most in the past two years. 1 in 40 men were unaware they were HIV+.
10. Across all age categories, over 40% of men report getting tested for HIV in the past year. This has been a consistent trend since 2007.
11. In 2008, 72% of gay men in Vancouver who self-identified as HIV positive indicated that they were currently taking anti-HIV medication.
12. In 2012, 63% of MSM diagnosed with HIV since 2003 are currently prescribed ARV and 74% are actively engaged in care.

Do you know your HIV status? If you don’t, perhaps it’s time to get tested. You can get tested in Vancouver at the Health Initiative for Men (HIM) clinic, at a local walk-in, or from your family doctor. If you are a person living with HIV or if you have questions, the Positive Living Society of British Columbia is also great resource.

You can show your support and help people in BC living with HIV live healthier lives by making a financial contribution to the Positive Living Society of BC through the Scotiabank Half Marathon race on Sunday, June 23, 2013 in Vancouver.

Earlier this week Canadian Blood Services announced they would be lifting the ban on gay men donating blood. It’s been a contentious issue in Canada, especially over the past decade as LGBT rights have progressed. While the 30 year old ban hasn’t been completely lifted, men who sleep with men (MSM), will be able to donate blood if they have been abstinent for at least five years will be allowed to donate blood.

Canadian Blood Services and Hema-Quebec received the approval on Wednesday from Health Canada. Health Canada consulted stakeholders for several years to develop the new policy. The primary concern was to keep harmful pathogens out of the blood supply.

The ban again MSM donating blood was instituted in the 1980’s when the Red Cross, who at the time was responsible for the supply of blood in Canada, recognized that HIV/AIDS was on the rise in Canada, and the untreatable disease could be contracted through blood transfusions.

After a public inquiry was held, the Red Cross was found guilty for not implementing adequate screening and testing procedures after hundreds of Canadians were infected with HIV and hepatitis C. The incident with the Red Cross cast a dark shadow over the organization for many years until they were replaced by the Canadian Blood Services, who is now responsible for the collection, testing, and management of blood in Canada. Given the history in Canada on blood safety, the changes have been a long and arduous process.

“So the message to them today is simply to bear with us,” said Dana Devine, vice president of medical, scientific, and research affairs at the Canadian Blood Services. “We are working toward attempting to make the opportunity for additional people to donate blood. We just aren’t quite there yet for that group of people.”

The new policy will allow men who have been raped by other men and men who have experimental sexual encounters with other men more than five years ago to now donate blood. The policy does not allow for men who are in long-term, monogamous relationships to be able to donate blood.

“I think it’s a step in the right direction regarding non-discrimination and stigmatization of gay men,” said Dr. Mark Wainberg, HIV researcher at McGill University and former president of the International AIDS society.

While this is a giant step forward in Canada, other countries such as Australia and the United Kingdom allow men who have not slept with other men for at least one year, and in South Africa it’s as short as six months. The United States still has a full lifetime ban, which was at the centre of attention at the 2012 LA Pride Festival.

The BC Centre for Disease Control recently released their annual report on sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), for British Columbia, and the results were shocking. After years of winning the war on decreasing STI transmission in BC, the numbers have taken a turn-around in BC over the past decade, undoing many years of work.

Gonorrhoea cases are on the rise. This is due in part because the antibicrobial infection is developing resistance to the current drug treatments. New methods of treatment and control need to be explored and tested. This situation has been seen in regions around the world and is not local to just British Columbia. The highest rates of infection were seeing in the Vancouver Coastal and Northern Health authority regions, with the highest infection rates for men between 20 and 29 years old. The majority of cases were throat infections.

Cases of Lymphogranuloma Venereum (LGV), a form of chlamydia, are on the rise with men who sleep with men (MSM). The first case was seen in Canada in 2004. These were previously rare seen infections, which in recent years have increased at a notable rate. It’s reported that 73% of men who had LGV were also co-infected with HIV. 66% of cases were with Caucasian males, and the average age of all infections was 47 (cases were between the ages of 27 and 60 years). The increase can also be attributed to the start of routine testing for this STI.

Syphilis infections among gay, bisexual and men who have sex with men (MSM) have also seen a recent sharp increase. In 2011, 90% of syphilis cases were with males, with the highest rate being with individuals 25-59 years old. 54% of cases were noted to be with people who self-identified as Caucasian. It’s also noted in the report that MSM comprise of the greatest number of new infectious cases in BC (80% in 2011), and among those cases, where HIV status was known, over 50% were co-infected with HIV.

It is noted that British Columbia is not the only jurisdiction that has seen these trends. Other areas are also reporting similar results through publically coordinated STI control programs.

“Mom, dad, do you have a moment? There’s something I want to tell you.”

Coming out is one of the scariest moments for gay people, especially youth. It’s full of emotion and takes a lot of strength and courage. Making the decision to come out is difficult and takes time.

Here are 10 questions you will want to think about and ask yourself before coming out:

1. Is it the right time? Make sure you are in a good emotional state, of sound mind, and in a comfortable position in life. You cannot predict how people will react and you need to be prepared that no matter the outcome that you are comfortable with those reactions and will be fine no matter the response. Ensure you have a stable foundation and have a clear mind.
2. Are you emotionally ready? It’s never good to come out after breaking up with someone or after the death of a loved one. Coming out takes everyone time to process the information and to adjust to the news. Do it at a time when people are in good spirits. If you’re coming out over Christmas, maybe not make it Christmas morning when opening presents, and definitely not after everyone has had a few too many rum & eggnog. After a Sunday barbeque dinner would be a good time, when everyone is relaxed and enjoying themselves.
3. Have you anticipated the questions you’ll be asked? Yes, there will be questions – many questions! Be prepared for questions and topics ranging from how do you know you are gay, to safer sex, to threats of bullying. Some questions you might be comfortable with, others might be more embarrassing or awkward. Regardless of the questions, always answer honestly. If you don’t know the question, see if you can look up the answers online, research the answer together, or agreed to get the answer and to get back to them in a reasonable amount of time.
4. Will you be able to remain calm? Emotions will run high! Expect everything from tears of joy to words of anger. Just remember to be calm and don’t over react. Refrain from shouting and insults if the conversation turns negative.
5. Can you support yourself? Make sure you have resources like a secure place to stay, money for food, and a safe place to go if you need someone to talk to afterwards. Youth may need to consider options of staying with another family member including aunts/uncles, grandparents, older siblings, or other extended family if it’s not safe to stay at home.
6. Do you have a support network? Youth should look to gay/straight alliances in participating schools, school counselors, or other peers in the community to reach out to if they have questions or need someone to talk to. Parents can access online resources or join a support group, like PFLAG.
7. Have you thought about how you want to come out? It’s not recommended to come out while intoxicated, in a moving car, or in a crowded, public location. Choose a private setting where you are comfortable sharing your news. Do it on your terms and don’t drag it out; get to the point, and quickly.
8. Who are you going to come out to? Sometimes it’s easier to come out to a friend or family member first. Start off by telling the most important person you can trust more important secret to. Predict their reactions. They can support you and help you with your emotions and to deal with your news. You don’t have to tell everyone at the same time. Do it as you feel comfortable.
9. Have you prepared for negative reactions? Sometimes people can get really angry. Have a plan to remove yourself from the situation, safely. Know who you can turn to for help and advice. Never allow yourself to get put into physical danger.
10. Are you proud of who you are? The equality movement has taken giant leaps forward in recent decades. Being gay is not considered to be bad. Peoples views are changing for the better. New laws and protection of equal rights are being implemented around the world. Understand that you are not alone. Many people have helped build a strong, safe community, so you can be comfortable and confident in who you are.

Spencer Chandra Hebert, BC Provincial MLA for Vancouver-West End. Photo contributed.

Canada is regarded around the world for having created an environment of equality. Thanks to the Constitution of Canada, the Charter of Rights and Freedoms provides same-sex couples equal rights to employment, health benefits, adoption, immigration, housing, finances and pensions, and marriage. Even with all these rights, bullying, specifically in schools, remains a sensitive and important issue today.

There are number of recent cases in Canada that have received international media attention where youth have committed suicide because they were faced with bulling by their school classmates. The public has been outraged and has are now calling on governments to take action.

Studies have shown the rate of suicide and depression of LGBT youth is higher than non-LGBT youth. To date, it has been the responsibility of schools to provide a safe education environment for students, free of discrimination and harassment. Most schools in Canada, public or private, can be held liable for harassment, name-calling and bullying of both students and staff under the Humans Rights Act.

Across Canada, most schools have not implemented specific anti-gay bullying or name-calling policies. The Yukon has excluded minors from protection of sexual orientation under the Human Rights Act, leaving youth vulnerable and at the highest risk of any other jurisdiction in Canada. Polar-opposite is British Columbia, which in updating school curriculums to incorporate LGBT topics; however, many believe more work needs to be done.

Without having specific policies or laws in any Province or Territory in Canada, some schools have taken action by setting up gay-straight alliances.

“One thing we’ve called for, for a long time now, is ensuring Codes of Conduct in all school districts across the province explicitly protect LGBT youth, and to ensure there are steps to deal with homophobia and trans-phobia,” said BC Provincial MLA for Vancouver-West End, Spencer Chandra Hebert.

“It’s not good enough to say we don’t think people should bully,” Spencer explains. You actually have to name the grounds of discrimination and explain them because people will sometimes discriminate against someone just because they don’t know any better, not because they actually hate gay people or because they’ve been told that gay people are bad.”

The BC Government is an advocate for Pink Shirt Day, a public awareness day in Canada asking for everyone to put a stop to bullying for both youth and adults. While the movement has sparked media attention and has raised awareness of the issues around bullying, the fundamental issues remain. The public is asking for new legislation to protect youth in British Columbia, and across Canada.

“A one-size-fits-all model doesn’t work,” Spencer said, explaining how new legislation needs to be specific. “It’s not one-size-fits-all bullying. It is explicit targets on LGBT kids back, and thus you need to respond to that specific action. The approach so far of ‘don’t do it, don’t be a bully’ hasn’t been all that successful.”

The Vancouver School District has been the most progressive district in the province, hiring an anti-bullying coordinator. School Boards are also working through co-governance, to find ways to help share knowledge around the province, educating both students and teachers. Other organizations, including, Out in Schools, are working with school districts on programing and resources to provide education and facilitate safer environment in public schools.

LGBT youth need the same rights as any other child in British Columbia. They deserve an opportunity to learn in a safe and welcoming environment, free of harassment and bullying. Although the BC Liberal Party has been in power for the last three consecutive terms, spanning 12 years, they have yet to announce plans to move forward with legislation or an all-encompassing strategy, and have left the duty and responsibility to the local school districts.

The BC Liberals were given the opportunity to respond to interview requests, however, at the time this post was published, all interview requests were denied citing it was too risky.

Since when is the protection of youth in British Columbia a risky subject? Leave your comments on this blog post.

Around the world, Canada is seen as a leader in rights and equality for the gay community. Canada has lead the way as a progressive nation on same-sex marriage, equality, and adoption by same-sex couples; however, Canada is still far from protecting the rights of the entire LGBT community, specifically for transgendered people.

In recent years, the rights of transgender people have become a hot topic, especially with the international news stories surrounding the controversy of BC resident, Jenna Talackova and her right to participate in the 2012 Miss Universe Canada competition.

Last summer, Alberta Premier, Allison Redford spoke with myWebbSite.ca and was clear that she recognized the importance of protecting existing rights of the LGBT community, and to keep the dialogue open around the rights of the trans people in her province.

In British Columbia, trans-gendered people do not have explicit rights under the Human Rights Code. In just over a month, British Columbians will be headed to the polls to cast their vote to determine which party will form the next provincial government. While each party will be announcing their platforms and taking their positions on a number of topics including education, health care, and the all-important balancing of the budget, the BC NPD party is clear; the LGBT community plays an important role for their party.

“The one important thing to remember is that there is currently protection for trans folks under the Human Rights Code, but it’s not explicit,”said  Spencer Chandra Hebert, BC NDP MLA for Vancouver-West End, explaining the sensitivity around the wording in the current laws. “Most trans folks do not know that. It’s not explicit, so most people do not know about it. Lawyers don’t necessarily know it, and schools do not know that.”

The BC NDP party made a conscious decision to take action and for years have been working to get equal rights for the trans-gendered community in British Columbia.

“I brought forward a private members bill a number of years ago that would explicitly protect the rights of transgendered people,” Spencer explained. “I was encouraged by everyone in the [BC NDP] caucus to craft legislation and bring it forward. I brought the bill to the legislature twice, once before Christy Clarke and once to Gordon Campbell.”

Both times the private members bill was proposed it was declined. Not to be defeated, Spencer reached out to the Attorney General, who replied thanking him for his letter, but the Human Rights Code was not currently being updated.

“Private members bills can get on to the floor as a second reading and can potentially be brought into law if the government allows it,” Spencer said, explaining the process it takes to get a bill passed. Frustrated by the governments lack of cooperation, Spencer opened up the door for the BC Liberals to made amendments. “Take it, call it whatever you want, pretend it’s a government bill – do whatever you need to do – just do it! It’s the right thing to do!”

“It’s important to remember that the Liberals were against same sex marriage until the laws came in, forcing them to change,” Spencer said. “They opposed same sex marriage. They are a party in conflict of LGBT equality through their past statement and actions. They’ve said bullying was a top concern, but then did nothing about it. Sure, they have some members who are in support of the LGBT community, but for whatever reason, it’s a community they feel they do not need to support.”

For the transgender community, action is what’s required. To deliver true equality for all British Columbians, regardless of how they identify their sexual orientation.

“They’ve had 12 years to do something – it doesn’t have to come from me,” Spencer said frustrated over the BC Liberals in-ability to update the Human Rights Code in British Columbia. “As a government they have the responsibility to protect human rights.”

Interview requests to the BC Liberal party asking for comments were declined, citing it was too risky.

Today, there are plenty of examples of members of the BC NDP who are hard at work addressing the concerns of trans-gendered people in British Columbia.

“Carole James is working with one of her trans constituents to deal with ID issues and hospital issues,” Spencer explained.

While British Columbia and Canada appear to be the leaders of equal rights, there is still a lot of work to be done.

Spencer said it best in his final remarks, “Human rights are for everyone, and when trans folks get rights, it’ll be a day of celebration for us all!”

Photo contributed

When it comes to anal sex in a gay relationship, there are two roles. Top and bottom. The top is the person who is penetrating, and the bottom is the one being penetrated. For the top, there’s not a lot of prep work that goes into getting ready, however, it’s a whole another ball game for the bottom or someone who is versatile.

Being a bottom and having anal sex takes time and preparation. Here are a few pointers to help understand the fundamentals of having anal sex:

Personal Grooming

Just as you would spend time choosing the right underwear and brushing your teeth, a bottom needs to pay attention to personal grooming. If you prefer to trim and shave, do it the day before. Shaving and waxing can cause nicks and tears in the skin, which could expose you to infections or diseases. Most guys have a weekly body-grooming regime so they are always ready to go with minimum effort.

Preparation

Every bottom has their preferred way of preparing for anal sex. Some prefer to douche or use an enema, while other prefer to soak in a hot bathtub. Whichever your preference, it is important to clean the anal area. It’s not recommended to use soap directly on the anus at any time because it can cause irritations to the mucus membrane.

Relaxing

Being relaxed is the key to enjoyable and pain-free anal sex. Many bottoms complain that it hurts. This is because they have not relaxed their sphincter. It’s incredibly important for your partner to be patient during this time. Foreplay often helps relax.

Lubrication

There are two types of lubrication that are preferred for anal sex; water based and silicon based. Water based lubricants are easy to clean and will not stain. Silicone based lubricants last longer and aren’t as sticky. Lubrication makes penetration easier and more enjoyable. Avoid oil-based lubrication because it breaks down latex condoms.

Safety and Clean-up

Condoms are strongly recommended for anal sex. Condoms reduce the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and making cleaning up a lot easier afterwards.

And it’s not just gay men having anal sex these days either. Many hetrosexual men experiment and enjoy anal sex with their female partners. It’s more common today because people are comfortable in experimenting with their sexuality.

So go on, now that you’ve got the information, give it a try!

Coming out is never easy, no matter how old you are. It’s always difficult, full of fear and anxiety. Sure, it’s hard enough for most coming out to friends, coworkers, classmates, and family members. As hard as it is for the person coming out, it’s equally as hard for parents, especially mothers.

Parents always want the best for their children. They want to see them grow up, get married, and enjoy a successful career. But when their child comes up to them and says “Mom, Dad, I’m gay”, sometimes those dreams come to a shattering halt.

Fortunately for me, that wasn’t the case.

“When you were about a year old, you were bouncing up and down and you had the biggest smile on your face,” recalled my mom. “I had a sneaky hunch. I think he might be gay. I don’t know why. Mothers always know.”

My mom calls it Mothers Intuition. While I was growing up my mom always suspected I was gay, sighting signs from my behaviors to my social interactions.

“I was hurt because you didn’t tell me,” my mom said recollecting the first reaction she had after finding out I was gay. “I don’t know if you thought I wouldn’t love you any more, any less, or disown you. I was hurt. Not that you were gay, but because I didn’t hear it from you.”

I never came out to my mom directly. She found out through a series of events.

“When I actually found out a weight was lifted off my shoulders,” my mom explained. “He’s come into his own. He can live his life the way he wants to.”

My mom wishes she had been more open in discussing sexuality with me when I was growing up, and encouraged me to come out. Fortunately for me, that was not the case. Parents who suspect their child may be gay need to allow them to discover who they are for themselves. Today, there are many great resources available for parents – from PFLAG support groups to the vast amount of information that can quickly be searched on the internet, parents no longer need to wonder what they should do should they suspect their children might be gay.

Most importantly, having a strong, trusting relationship with your children will help break down barriers and increase communication on difficult subjects.

After dealing with her initial reactions to be coming out, my mom had a whole new set of fears facing her.

“Being from a small town, everyone knows everyone’s business,” my mom explained. “Being bullied, teased and being put down or being made fun of. I also worried when you started dating, because of HIV/AIDS. I still worry. I always worry.”

Parents are protective. It’s in their nature. Most parents would have these same reactions too. It’s how a parent outwardly handles their reactions which make the biggest impact.

“Be supportive for who they are and love them to death,” is my mom’s advice for any parent who’s child comes out to them. “They will need it. You got to have that support behind you. We give them the best tools for growing up, and teaching them right from wrong.”

My mom also suggests to parents to join a support group and do their own research online to help get the answers to their unanswered questions.

Coming out isn’t easy for anyone. Thankfully my mom was accepting, understanding, and supportive. Mothers need to remember that they love their children regardless of their sexual orientation.

Thank you mom for your emotional support and unconditional love over the years; it’s certainly helped me in evolving into the person who I am today!

The bond between a father and a son is really important. Fathers are proud to teach their sons life-skills and responsibility. Most fathers avoid talking about their emotions and feelings. But what is it like to be the father of a gay son? To find out the answer, I sat down with my own dad to find out what was on his mind.

“I’ve never distinguished you as being a gay son,” my dad explained, when I asked him what it’s like to be the father of a gay son. “I only you consider you my son.”

Over the years, my dad has played an instrumental role in my life. He is a mentor, someone I can go to for advice on any subject, and has shown his love and support for me unconditionally.

Growing up, my dad, like many parents, suspected I was gay, but never once asked or put any pressure on me to come out. I came out to my dad at the age of 19.

“I felt relief when you told me you were gay,” said my dad. “It wasn’t something I wanted to bring up. It was something I wanted you to tell me.”

His biggest fears and concerns when I came out were for my well-being. Awareness of HIV/AIDS, how my sexual orientation could impact my career, and being gay bashed were all at the top of his list.

“Love and respect your son for who they are and support them in any way you can,” is the advice my dad has for parents who have gay children. “It’s what helps the child out. It’s what a parent needs to do. Once you accept your son as gay, you have to accept all the challenges that will happen in your life too.”

Talking to friends, coworkers and family members, has always been difficult for my dad. He was never sure about how to bring it up and it made him uncomfortable, especially at the beginning. Now, he just tells people and doesn’t worry about what their reaction is.

“My biggest challenge is taking some of the ridicule and teasing and stereotypes of gay’s – both with the people I work with and people I meet and talk to,” said my dad. As a proud father he feels the need to step-in, to correct them, or stand-up for gay rights, which he says would be a full-time job in itself.

Fortunately, my dad understood being gay is genetic and had no impact on the way I was raised. He feels no shame or guilt, nor should any parent, who has a gay son. He’s proud of my personal life achievements as an individual.

Although my dad has not attended a pride parade, he would consider it. Heck, my dad’s even been to a gay bar!

With liberal beliefs, my dad is very supportive of the need for equal rights for all humans. He hopes over time people will be more accepting of all people, especially as younger generations grow up where sexual orientation is no longer an issue and just part of the norm.

My dad said it best when he said, “You can’t change the past. You can only go forward from here. I personally think we have a pretty good relationship.

You know what dad? I think we have a pretty darn good relationship too! Thanks for all your love and support.

Every 9 ½  minutes, someone in the United States is infected with HIV. There are an estimated 220,000 people living with HIV that do not even know they are infected. While over the years research has substantially improved the treatment for HIV, awareness of safer sex and education for people to get tested to know their status has become incredibly important to reduce the spread of infection. People living with HIV rely on community support programs.

This is where Dine Out for Life steps in. Each year, Dine Out for Life raises over $3 million to support the 60 service organizations. Across the United States and Canada over 3,000 restaurants donate a portion of their proceeds on this special day to help HIV/AIDS resource organizations so they can fulfill their mandate.

Funds that are raised locally, stay locally. Vancouver’s Dine Out for Life will be held on Thursday, March 7, 2013. Restaurants in Vancouver, Whistler, White Rock and the Fraser Valley contribute 25% of food sales to the program. The Vancouver beneficiaries benefit A Loving Spoonful and Friends For Life.

This Thursday, March 7, visit a participating restaurant for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, and be a part of an amazing social movement to help people living with HIV/AIDS.

Contest

Wild Rice is delighted to participate in Dine Out for Life. The socially conscious establishment prides itself for their farm-to-table menu. Their focus on local, seasonal, and sustainable menu, along with owner Andrew Wong’s Chinese heritage, has influenced the East-meets-West and traditional-meets-modern Asian-fusion fare. Both Gastown and New Westminster locations are favourites of Vancouver foodies.

Enter for a chance to win a $50 gift card to Wild Rice. To enter tweet:

I want to win a $50 gc to @WildRiceBC from @br_webb to support @VanDOFL, @alovingspoonful & @VanFFL: http://ow.ly/ih8d2  #WinWildRice

Once you have tweeted this contest you can receive up to four additional chances to win by doing the following:

1. Follow @br_webb on Twitter and leave an additional comment on this blog post confirming you are a new follower for an additional entry.
2. Leave a comment on this blog post if you’ll be going to support Dine Out For Life Vancouver this Thursday, March 7, 2013.
3. Share this blog post on Facebook and leave an additional comment on this blog post confirming you have shared on Facebook for an additional entry.
4. Subscribe to myWebbSite.ca and leave an additional comment on this blog post confirming you have subscribed for an additional entry.

Contest closes at 5:00pm PST, Wednesday, March 6, 2013. One random drawn winner will be announced on this blog post on or before Thursday, March 7, 2013. Read the complete contest rules.

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After three days of competition between eight passionate contestants, Danny Papadatos of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan was named Mr. Gay Canada 2013.

“The experience of Mr. Gay Canada has been incredible and I am very excited to be given this platform,” said Danny. “There is so much work to be done in rural centres and to provide a safe forum for LGBT youth.”

Less than 25 points separated the winner from the second runner up, Rylie Moore, of Victoria, BC, however, Danny was selected by the judges because of his maturity and leadership skills.

The annual competition was held in Whistler, BC, February 5-8 at part of Whistler Gay Ski Week and WinterPRIDE.

Photo Credit: Express-Times File Photo

This week the National Executive Council of the Boys Scouts of America are continuing discussions on dropping the ban on gay scouts and gay troop leaders. Over 1.4 million people have signed the petition urging the organization to change their controversial and discriminatory practice.

It’s not just the public that is outraged. United States President Barack Obama and Eagle Scouts – Sen. Sherrod Brown of Ohio and Sen. Jeff Merkley of Oregon – LGBT leaders, and corporate partners are also asking for an end to the outdated policy.

“With LGBT people more visible and more triumphant than at any other point in our community’s history, the timing is right for the Boy Scouts to finally embrace gay scouts and gay troop leadership and put an end to this shameful policy,” said Rodney Scott, Board President of Christopher Street West. “Christopher Street West produced the world’s first LGBT Pride Parade in 1970 and this type of discrimination is precisely what compelled us to organize. We wanted equality in employment, education, housing and parity when it came to our relationships. Now, for gay youth and their families, we want equality in scouting.”

The Boy Scouts of America have been delivering programming including character development and value-based leadership training for over 100 years.

“Currently, the BSA is discussing potentially removing the national membership restriction regarding sexual orientation,” explained Deron Smith, Director of Public Relations for Boy Scouts of America. “This would mean there would no longer be any national policy regarding sexual orientation, and the chartered organizations that oversee and deliver Scouting would accept membership and select leaders consistent with each organization’s mission, principles, or religious beliefs. BSA members and parents would be able to choose a local unit that best meets the needs of their families.”

While the Boy Scouts of America would not dictate a position to units, members of parents, the policy would not require chartered organizations to act in ways inconsistent with the principles, mission or religious beliefs.

In other words, the individual organizations the oversee and deliver programming would determine how to address the situation.

It’s expected that the National Executive Council for the Boy Scouts of America will take up the issue today, Wednesday, February 5, 2013, and potentially vote on policy.

What do you think of The Boy Scouts of America policy banning gay scouts and troop leaders? Sound off now. Leave a comment on this blog post.

Drag queens are a symbol of fashion, style, and attitude. Their looks are equally as important as their personality. For drag queen super star, Chad Michaels, clothing is like an accessory.

“I’m not a big fan of dresses,” said Chad Michaels, RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant and Cher impersonator, as he explained his wardrobe. “I’m not a model girl. I don’t want to be tripping on a train.”

Chad estimates he has anywhere from 150-200 pairs of shoes.

This past fall, Chad had a huge sale on eBay, selling off many pieces of his drag collection.

“There was a lot of fantastic drag stuff that I just don’t use anymore,” Chad said as he described some of the items that went up for auction.

Chads outfits are designed and hand made from his partner of nine years, Adam McGee. Adam taught himself how to design and make a lot of the creative costumes Chad had worn over the years, including the famous giraffe outfit.

Most recently, Chad wore a special gown at the Joan Crawford Christmas performance which Adam designed.

There is no doubt that as Chad’s drag career continues to grow that he will be sporting many more exciting costumes, shoes, wigs and accessories.

It’s been three decades since Canada brought in the 1982 Constitution Act, proclaiming the Charter of Rights and Freedom, granting equal rights to all Canadians. It was a momentous moment in Canadian history; something that has become celebrated, honoured and highly regarded in our culture.

After decades of protests, marches, and court battles court battles, the gay and lesbian community won the rights for same sex marriage across Canada in 2005. It brought a renewed commitment and new meaning to the Charter of Rights and Freedoms for the lesbian and gay community. It brought hope and faith to the LGBT community.

Canada has been a recognized leader in equal rights around the globe. Although much work still needs to be done, including securing the right for men who sleep with men to donate blood, and for equal rights for transgendered people, Canada’s laws and equality rights have become a template for other nations.

Unfortunately, it’s not happening quick enough. In fact, 80 countries have laws that impression LGBT people, and seven countries still have the death penalty. It’s a harsh reality. The motivation is primarily based upon religious and cultural beliefs.

But there is hope. Today, 50 countries have anti-discriminatory laws, and 11 countries and two First Nations have legalized same-sex marriage, while another seven recognize same-sex unions. Adding to the count are a number of local jurisdictions which perform or recognize civil unions and/or marriage, including the most recent addition of three States in the recent US election.

While in Canada we celebrate our diversity openly and freely thanks to the Constitution Act of 1982 and the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, it is important to recognize that oppression and silence can still be found around the world. It is important that every Canadian show respect for the LGBT community, and to get involved in helping to bring change in Canada and for those that still need our support around the world. Life is happier under the rainbow.

Photo contributed.

One has to wonder, how does someone even get into being a drag queen, let alone a super-star drag queen impersonating one of the biggest gay music icon of all-time? For Chad Michael’s, it’s was a Halloween costume disaster meets passion for theatre.

Back in 1992, Chad Michaels happened upon the idea of going as Madonna for Halloween. After a bit of a fiasco, a love to entertain and perform in front of others, and a bit of a fluke is what lit Chad’s fire. He was excited to share his new-found talent with the world.

“It’s gone by so fast,” explained Chad, who was runner-up on the fourth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race. “It all happened in the blink of an eye.”

“My drag mother wanted me in show,” said Chad, as he explained how he began doing impersonations of Cher and how he chose his drag character. “It just snowballed from there. It was an insane roller-coaster ride. Lucky for me, I make a good look-alike. It really is an ace up my sleeve.”

And Chad Michaels fans love it too, and apparently, so does Cher!

“Getting to work with Cher and open for her,” Chad said, describing his proudest moment. “I’m proud of the drag race and everything I did on there. It was more than a drag competition and went deeper than just being a drag show.”

During season four, Chad became an unofficial mentor for many, because of his years of drag experience. Of all the contestants, Chad admits Sharon was the one he took under his wing the most.

“We had a good relationship,” explained Chad. “There’s over ten years difference between us. I’m a giver. A natural caregiver. When there was trouble, I was there. It just comes to me naturally.”

Chad was fortunate enough to earn a spot back for the All-Star’s season.

“The audience is going to expect more now. More substance,” said Chad. And that’s just what they will get! The All-Star’s season is well underway and things are starting to heat up.

After competing in RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 4, Chad Michael’s finished with an honourable second place. Best known for his Cher impersonations, Chad was well loved by many of the viewers.

“It was grueling,” Chad said as he explained what it was like to be on the show. “It was all we could do to get to the next day. No joke. It was very much real. The emotion is all real.”

The hour long show is equivalent to about 48-72 hours in real life, and a lot can happen during that time.

“Many hours were spent stressing out; crying,” Chad said as he recalled his time on the show. “It was a personal test of what I am capable of. I’m happy with how it panned out.”

RuPaul isn’t just the host of the show. He’s also a mentor to each of the contestants.

“I admire him very much,” said Chad, reflecting on his memories of working with RuPaul on the show. “After watching him in action, I have more respect for him now. I liked getting to see him in action and learning from him.”

Not only did RuPaul prove to be a worthy role model, he ensured they felt comfortable and had fun.

Chad still keeps in touch off and on with many of the other cast members from season four, but admits that it’s hard because of everyone busy schedules.

With the new All-Stars season now well underway, Chad is pleased to have a second chance to make it to the top.

“It’s going to explode,” Chad said, describing what people can expect for the season ahead. “People are going to love it. There’s drama. Tears. Conflict. Resolution. It’s off the hook!”

Many artists pander for the pink dollar, but for singer/songwriter, Wynter Gordon, it’s about creating music she loves and songs that connect.

So how does an artist get such a large gay following? Certainly having catchy songs and great personality help. Wynter has become a regular on the annual Pride circuit over the past few years as she continues to put out hit after hit.

“At first, I didn’t mean to,” said Wynter as she explained how she fell into performing at gay concerts and Pride events. “It just kind of happened.”

Over the past few years Wynter has performed at many events including the 2011 North American Outgames in Vancouver to the Halstad Market Days in Chicago in 2012.

“I just love being around all these festivals,” Wynter said. “There is so much love. I feel love and accepted, even with all my flaws.”

Yes, it’s true. Most people have flaws, but we try to disguise them. Some, better than others. But Wynter has a personal connection to the LGBT community.

“I’ve had to protect family members who were gay,” Wynter said in a very emotional voice. Wynter didn’t want to get into details publically, but she was visibly upset. “I have so much respect for what you guys stand for. To be different in that sense.”

For Wynter, it’s not about pandering to a demographic or target audience. She’s true to herself, her beliefs, and her passions.

You can be certain that we’ll be seeing a whole lot more of Wynter during Pride 2013.

This week, 15 awards were handed out to LGBT musicians celebrating their achievements and talent in the music industry. It was all part of the annual RightOutTV music awards for Out artists.

The global competition raises awareness of LGBT musicians, their music, and their videos, while closer uniting the community and industry. Enteries were submitted from across the world including Portugal, Austria, Britain, Canada and the United States. There were two rounds of judging to determine the winners in each of the 15 award categories.

“This is only our second year and already the number and caliber of the artists submitting has reassured us that there is truly a need for this kind of acknowledgement for the LGBT music community,” says Marlee Walchuk, co- producer of the RightOutTV Music and Video Awards.

Winners of the 2012 RightOutTV Music and Video Awards:

• Best Video (Pro): Matt Zarley – Trust Me
• Song of the Year: Matt Fishel – Behind Closed Doors
• Best Song So Far: Matt Zarley – Change Begins with Me
• Best Video DIY (Do It Yourself): Corday – Weekend Warrior
• Best Pop/Rock/Adult Contemporary Video: Jeffery Straker – Gone
• Best Electronic/Dance/Hip Hop/R&B Video: Blinded by Stardust – Can’t We Just Dance Instead (feat. Biuna)
• Best Folk/Country/Jazz Video: Kat Devlin – Dear Emmi
• Best Performance in a Live Video: Rachael Sage – Everything
• Best “Living Room Performance”: Nhojj – He & Him
• Best Video So Far: Matt Fishel – Football Song
• Best Pop/Rock/Adult Contemporary Song: Jenn Foster – You Stayed
• Best Electronic/Dance/Hip Hop/ R&B Song: Darren Octert – This Modern Life (1984)
• Best Folk/Country/Jazz Song:  Summer Osborne – Be Still
• Fan Fave Award: Sonasfly