All posts tagged with: Youth

“Mom, dad, do you have a moment? There’s something I want to tell you.”

Coming out is one of the scariest moments for gay people, especially youth. It’s full of emotion and takes a lot of strength and courage. Making the decision to come out is difficult and takes time.

Here are 10 questions you will want to think about and ask yourself before coming out:

1. Is it the right time? Make sure you are in a good emotional state, of sound mind, and in a comfortable position in life. You cannot predict how people will react and you need to be prepared that no matter the outcome that you are comfortable with those reactions and will be fine no matter the response. Ensure you have a stable foundation and have a clear mind.
2. Are you emotionally ready? It’s never good to come out after breaking up with someone or after the death of a loved one. Coming out takes everyone time to process the information and to adjust to the news. Do it at a time when people are in good spirits. If you’re coming out over Christmas, maybe not make it Christmas morning when opening presents, and definitely not after everyone has had a few too many rum & eggnog. After a Sunday barbeque dinner would be a good time, when everyone is relaxed and enjoying themselves.
3. Have you anticipated the questions you’ll be asked? Yes, there will be questions – many questions! Be prepared for questions and topics ranging from how do you know you are gay, to safer sex, to threats of bullying. Some questions you might be comfortable with, others might be more embarrassing or awkward. Regardless of the questions, always answer honestly. If you don’t know the question, see if you can look up the answers online, research the answer together, or agreed to get the answer and to get back to them in a reasonable amount of time.
4. Will you be able to remain calm? Emotions will run high! Expect everything from tears of joy to words of anger. Just remember to be calm and don’t over react. Refrain from shouting and insults if the conversation turns negative.
5. Can you support yourself? Make sure you have resources like a secure place to stay, money for food, and a safe place to go if you need someone to talk to afterwards. Youth may need to consider options of staying with another family member including aunts/uncles, grandparents, older siblings, or other extended family if it’s not safe to stay at home.
6. Do you have a support network? Youth should look to gay/straight alliances in participating schools, school counselors, or other peers in the community to reach out to if they have questions or need someone to talk to. Parents can access online resources or join a support group, like PFLAG.
7. Have you thought about how you want to come out? It’s not recommended to come out while intoxicated, in a moving car, or in a crowded, public location. Choose a private setting where you are comfortable sharing your news. Do it on your terms and don’t drag it out; get to the point, and quickly.
8. Who are you going to come out to? Sometimes it’s easier to come out to a friend or family member first. Start off by telling the most important person you can trust more important secret to. Predict their reactions. They can support you and help you with your emotions and to deal with your news. You don’t have to tell everyone at the same time. Do it as you feel comfortable.
9. Have you prepared for negative reactions? Sometimes people can get really angry. Have a plan to remove yourself from the situation, safely. Know who you can turn to for help and advice. Never allow yourself to get put into physical danger.
10. Are you proud of who you are? The equality movement has taken giant leaps forward in recent decades. Being gay is not considered to be bad. Peoples views are changing for the better. New laws and protection of equal rights are being implemented around the world. Understand that you are not alone. Many people have helped build a strong, safe community, so you can be comfortable and confident in who you are.

Spencer Chandra Hebert, BC Provincial MLA for Vancouver-West End. Photo contributed.

Canada is regarded around the world for having created an environment of equality. Thanks to the Constitution of Canada, the Charter of Rights and Freedoms provides same-sex couples equal rights to employment, health benefits, adoption, immigration, housing, finances and pensions, and marriage. Even with all these rights, bullying, specifically in schools, remains a sensitive and important issue today.

There are number of recent cases in Canada that have received international media attention where youth have committed suicide because they were faced with bulling by their school classmates. The public has been outraged and has are now calling on governments to take action.

Studies have shown the rate of suicide and depression of LGBT youth is higher than non-LGBT youth. To date, it has been the responsibility of schools to provide a safe education environment for students, free of discrimination and harassment. Most schools in Canada, public or private, can be held liable for harassment, name-calling and bullying of both students and staff under the Humans Rights Act.

Across Canada, most schools have not implemented specific anti-gay bullying or name-calling policies. The Yukon has excluded minors from protection of sexual orientation under the Human Rights Act, leaving youth vulnerable and at the highest risk of any other jurisdiction in Canada. Polar-opposite is British Columbia, which in updating school curriculums to incorporate LGBT topics; however, many believe more work needs to be done.

Without having specific policies or laws in any Province or Territory in Canada, some schools have taken action by setting up gay-straight alliances.

“One thing we’ve called for, for a long time now, is ensuring Codes of Conduct in all school districts across the province explicitly protect LGBT youth, and to ensure there are steps to deal with homophobia and trans-phobia,” said BC Provincial MLA for Vancouver-West End, Spencer Chandra Hebert.

“It’s not good enough to say we don’t think people should bully,” Spencer explains. You actually have to name the grounds of discrimination and explain them because people will sometimes discriminate against someone just because they don’t know any better, not because they actually hate gay people or because they’ve been told that gay people are bad.”

The BC Government is an advocate for Pink Shirt Day, a public awareness day in Canada asking for everyone to put a stop to bullying for both youth and adults. While the movement has sparked media attention and has raised awareness of the issues around bullying, the fundamental issues remain. The public is asking for new legislation to protect youth in British Columbia, and across Canada.

“A one-size-fits-all model doesn’t work,” Spencer said, explaining how new legislation needs to be specific. “It’s not one-size-fits-all bullying. It is explicit targets on LGBT kids back, and thus you need to respond to that specific action. The approach so far of ‘don’t do it, don’t be a bully’ hasn’t been all that successful.”

The Vancouver School District has been the most progressive district in the province, hiring an anti-bullying coordinator. School Boards are also working through co-governance, to find ways to help share knowledge around the province, educating both students and teachers. Other organizations, including, Out in Schools, are working with school districts on programing and resources to provide education and facilitate safer environment in public schools.

LGBT youth need the same rights as any other child in British Columbia. They deserve an opportunity to learn in a safe and welcoming environment, free of harassment and bullying. Although the BC Liberal Party has been in power for the last three consecutive terms, spanning 12 years, they have yet to announce plans to move forward with legislation or an all-encompassing strategy, and have left the duty and responsibility to the local school districts.

The BC Liberals were given the opportunity to respond to interview requests, however, at the time this post was published, all interview requests were denied citing it was too risky.

Since when is the protection of youth in British Columbia a risky subject? Leave your comments on this blog post.

Youth who are, or are thought to be, LGBT, are at a higher risk of dropping out of school, of suffering from depression and self-harm. Working together, we can create safer, stronger communities, to work towards putting an end to bullying.

Here are 10 ways to help build a safer community:

1. Use respectful and appropriate language.
2. Do not ignore discrimination or harassment.
3. Stand for strong anti-bullying / harassment policies in schools and workplaces.
4. Advocate for films, books, events and campaigns that provide education around diversity and sexuality.
5. Be a responsible adult and publically oppose bullying and support diversity.
6. Bring cyber-bullying to the attention of the authorities.
7. Attend training workshops and seminars to learn how to respond to bullying.
8. Understand health education and how to get help.
9. Involve local LGBT resource centres, advocate groups and and health services.
10. Be available. If you know someone who is in distress, is being bullied or needs a safe zone, assist them with getting the immediate help they require.

Let’s face it; coming out of the closet in high school is a big deal for any teenager. For 17 year-old high school student, Katy Butler, she faced all the typical challenges that any queer student would face on a daily basis– bullying.  When a new documentary, “Bully” was set to be released with an “R” rating, Katy was outraged.

The “R” rating meant that anyone under the age of 17 would not be able to see the film. Katy started an online petition on Change.org urging the MPAA to change the rating of the film from “R” to “PG-13″.

After receiving over 500,000 signatures and the support of celebrities including Ellen Degeneres who welcomes Katy on her show, the Washington Post named Katy “a new voice against bullying’.

Because of her demonstration that one person is never too young to inspire change, Katy has been honoured as the 2012 Outstanding Youth Leader by LA Pride.

Canadian Facts on Bullying (provided by PinkShirtDay.org):

• Bullying happens to someone in Canada every 7 minutes on the playground. (Bullying.org).
• Bullying happens in many different forms. It’s doing, saying or acting in a way that hurts someone else or makes him or her feel bad on purpose. (Verbal, physical, social, extortion, cyber bullying).
• 50% of Canadian school children report being bullied and 45% of children surveyed do not feel safe when they go to school. (Bullying Study, University of Guelph).
• 34% of Canadians surveyed knew of students in their community who had been targeted by cyber bullying in the past year
• Children who are bullied are at risk for impaired social development, mental and physical illnesses, suicide and school absenteeism.
• Direct Bullying: open attacks, physical, threats, teasing
• Indirect Bullying: attempts to harm social position including exclusion & gossip

On Sunday, February 26, piano-rock band, The Fray, performed in front of a packed audience at the Orpheum Theatre in downtown Vancouver. Original band members and best friends, Isaac Slade and Joe King formed the band back in 2002 and by 2005 released their debut album How To Save A Life, featuring the chart topping, hit single by the same title.

Lead singer, Isaac Slade, who was inspired after his experience of mentoring a crack-addicted teenager, wrote the song, How To Save A Life.

“He was a recovering addict, coming out of a really tough teenage life,” Isaac described. “The song is more of a memoir about his slow motion decent and all the relationships he lost along the way. It is the easiest one for me to sing every night.”

Just like Isaac, I was once also a mentor, not for drug-addicted youth, but for youth who were struggling with adversity and coming out. I was a mentor for YouthGlo, a support program for youth in the North Okanagan who were struggling with LGBT issues.

During my time with YouthGlo I met many great teenagers from the area, all with different comfort levels and issues they were combating in their day-to-day lives. Issues like self-acceptance, family dynamics, bullying, coming out, and their own sexuality.

It wasn’t until years later I realized just what an influence I had made on the lives of some of the youth I had mentored. It was particularly apparent when one young man I had previously mentored connected with me through social media.

“I met Brian when I was 14,” said Ryan. “At the time I had no idea the impact he would have on my life. He let me ask him anything and was open to talk about whatever was on my mind. He answered all of my questions without hesitation; without judgment.”

As a mentor, I was able to help Ryan with the challenges he faced at home and in school.

“With Brian’s help, high school became easier,” Ryan explained. “When I came out, Brian was there to support me. He showed me that being gay is not wrong, as some people in school wanted me to believe.”

Five years later after Ryan and I had re-connected as adults, it once again became evident on how I had again become a role model for him.

“He helped me accept myself,” Ryan said. “He has always been there for me, as a mentor and a friend. He taught me that having humility and helping others is an important part of our LGBT community. Thanks to Brian, I am strong and am the man I am today. He taught me never to be afraid.”

Today, I am so proud of Ryan and the strides he has made. Although I might not have saved an individuals life, I find comfort knowing I have helped guide others on their journey to lead healthy, prosperous, and fulfilling lives.

Just as Isaac put it, we all can do our part. In case you need to hear it again… How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you…

Vancouver Pride isn’t just for the adults. This year there will be a Youth Pride dance at the West End Community Centre (870 Denman Street) from 9:00pm – 1:00am on Sunday, August 1.

This is a safe, drug-free environment for GLBT youth to hang out, meet others their own age and have some fun. The event is hosted in partnership with Qmunity’s Gab Youth and entrance is by donation.